au where the trojan war is a party menelaus throws to win back his girlfriend who left him for some douchebag and he ropes all his friends into helping him and wacky shenanigans happen and a running gag is that odysseus doesn’t even want to be there he’s got shit to do and at the end he gets stuck in traffic on the way home
(courtesy of tumblr user odysseiarex)
when i had to read Troy (aka the iliad condensed bc they don’t think eighth graders can handle it) i absolutely re-summarized it for my mother as a high school au
this is a thing that happened.
odysseus tries to text his gf
hey penny know im late im stuck in fucking traffic you would not believe how big a douche menelaus can be
shit did that go thru
oh fuck theres a cop in an eyepatch uh ill call u
penny r u mad
did you get my txt
fuck ok uh looks like im getting a ticket and hes gonna WHAT NO FUCK THIS IS MY PHONE OFFIC
a genderqueer student comes to hogwarts and finds out they’re gonna be put in one gendered dorm or another and their immediate reaction is HELL NO OH MY GO D and theyre getting all amped up to start a full on protest abotu it and like th faculty are kind of alarmed and dont know what to do but then they get up to their common room and a third door has just appeared between the two gendered doors and suddenly every single house has a gender neutral dorm bc the castle itself sensed just what had to be done to keep its students safe and happy
its lonely at first but over the years more students grow to understand themselves and the dorms all fill up with happy nonbinary buddies and hogwarts is a happier place for it
Ooh and one of the enchantments surrounding the entire castle could be a thing that makes misgendering impossible, like if some ignorant/bigoted student tries to call a transfemale student “he/him” the enchantment changes the sound waves so that what everyone hears is “she/her”.
I want a story about a genderqueer Metamorphmagus who can literally just change gender at will according to how they feel that day.
I’m constantly surprised by the fact that other countries don’t have nicknames for absolutely everything: Arvo, Maccas, ute, brissy, chockas, barbie, avos, bikkies, bottle-o, bundy, cab sav, chockie, brekkie, compo, metho, sanga, snag, spag bol, ciggie, footy, garbo, goon, kindie, pash, polly, pokies, rego, servo, sickie, smoko, stubby, tinny, trackies, vee-dub, veggo, u-ey…
Sorry not sorry.
The men of tumblr unite. Because this is more than fighting the patriarchy, this is fighting for the voice of the people.
THE FUCK DID YOU SAY THE PATRIARCHY WAS UP TO?
I’M ON MY WAY.
Who is this how did you get this numb—THE PATRIARCHY IS DOING WHTA
SAVE SOME PATRIARCH BLOOD FOR US
3:01PM SYDNEY TIME
AW HELL NO
I’M COMIN YOU MOTHERFUCKERS I DON’T EVEN CARE IF THEY DON’T LET ME ON A PLANE
Meanwhile In England…
"Jolly great bit of Tea"
"THE PATRIARCHY DOING WHAT!?!!?!?!"
"Those Bloody Wankers!!!!!!"
"It Looks Like Tea Time Is Going To Have To Wait"
"It’s A Jolly Good Thing I kept My Old Equipment…."
"All Right Old Chaps, Im On My Way!!!"
*AGGRESSIVELY PROTECTS GLISS AND AZARIEL FROM ALL DANGERS*